I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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