its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize
