I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
