i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
