no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
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That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
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Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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