All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
