Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
