There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
