i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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