dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
