I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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