The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
