Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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