ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
