I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize