McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
