Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
