I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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