how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
