capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
