just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i out mim tonsoeep
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
