Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
