If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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