evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
