I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
