it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
