The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
