i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
