you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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