She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
