I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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