I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
