too bad you live with your parents still
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
