we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
