i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
