Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
