I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
