time to smoke my breakfast
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
