when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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