I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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