I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
