went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
