Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
