every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
