I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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