last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
