I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
