oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
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still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
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He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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