i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
