So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
