we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
