your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
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After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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