is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
