We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
