HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
