wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
