I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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