i just google imaged poop.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
