fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
