Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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