grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
