feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
smell my finger.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
