Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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