Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
