Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
