hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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