Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
